No, you didn’t somehow skip over a day and miss a bunch of juicy writing. I simply didn’t feel like writing yesterday. Not to say it was a bad day, on the contrary, it was quite a lovely day. There was lots of laughing, some arguing, some laziness, and a surprising amount of productivity. In honest, this writing business is somewhat difficult for me. Which is almost to say one has lost their very heritage… I had dreams of being a writer as early as age 5. A surprisingly concrete thought for a mush minded child. Too busy learning and absorbing life lessons to be thinking about adulthood. But simply perhaps, I was always going to be a storyteller, and books full of pictures of cakes and animals was my first forms. And though my mind has never stopped telling stories or pumping out its unique quirks, to form it into something I might smile with earnest at is a much different game.
For me, it is almost like digging deep down, and rediscovering myself. I close my eyes and I see three spheres orbiting themselves. Just around and round, like some sort of machinery. And each of them holds a thought, constantly changing, constantly swirling around in my mind. It is never peaceful in there, but for a while it felt as though one of the spheres was dim, blurry, orbiting slower than the others. Maybe like Pluto, there, but in the background. When I use energy to speed that sphere up, to clear its thought, it just wears me out a little. I am constantly feeling like none of my writings has an ending, rather I just get too tired and simply quit writing.
Today, a lot of little things happened. None of which was earth shattering, but put together and it felt a little bit like Fate. Those weird moments when you almost audibly hear pieces falling into place. Have you ever just met someone and felt that instant connection. Not necessarily a romantic connection, but an absoluteness that you are meant to know this person. Have you ever laid your eyes on something and knew you needed it. For whatever reason, but you simply can’t take your eyes off of it. Almost as if your soul is drawing you to these things..
Today felt like one of those days. I can’t say if any of it is real or just my imagination. But what I can say is, my soul feels alive..