Getting the key to my new place. They’re sort of bittersweet moments. It’s hard to believe I’m leaving my wonderful place. The first place I lived by myself in. The place I turned 30 in. The place I fell in love in, and the place I hit rock bottom in. The place I lost days on my couch, and the place I knew I was never far from friends in. The place I adopted my first kitten in, and broke my older cat’s heart. It’s been a long year. Long, lonely, and interesting. But it’s time to move on.
Mental image: Girl sitting on red bench listening to Billie Holiday, eating Juanita’s Tortilla Chips straight out of a bag, sipping dark beer out of a travel mug, reading When Men Become Gods, and waiting.
What a strange sort of urban metro lifesyle. Warm, fresh air wafting thru the open doors, carrying the scent of the Gyros next door.
The last time she was there, it was full dark, and damp, a winter breeze blowing thru a cracked window. She cowered in a corner, praying for time to speed up as two, clearly homeless guys got into a shouting match over how to spend 5 dollars. If there had been music playing, she didn’t hear it..
I’ve listened to Eye of the Tiger on the way to a first date.
I’ve had a man drunk dial me and begin singing Every Rose Has its Thorn.
And I once drunk texted a guy the song, I Touch Myself by Divinyls.
Imagine that one Family Guy scene, where Stewie just keeps saying, “mom, mommy, mom,” to Lois. Over and over and over until she finally snaps.
Thats Thumbs and me. He always knows, and hates when I pull my camera out. So I sit, finger on the button, ready for him to finally look at me, calling his name, “Thumbs, hey, Thumbs,” over and over and over.
He finally glances at me briefly, very briefly, then allows the Yawn to photobomb…
Radiolab did an interview with Andy Mills, about his amazing friendship with Kohn Ashmore. In college Andy Mills heard a strange noise down the hall, and upon further investigation, discovered fellow student Kohn Ashmore. Most striking about him was the fact that he moves and speaks extremely slowly. It wasn’t until much later in their friendship that Andy discovered that for years Kohn didn’t even know that he spoke slowly.
It is an example of how resilient the human mind can be. That after living with the sound of his own voice for so long, it no longer seemed a strange thing. And admittedly, after listening to this interview over and over, Kohn’s voice no longer sounds strange to me.
Here is that interview by Radiolab. In honesty, the song at the end of the interview always chokes me up a little. It is filled with so much pain, and courage, and maybe a bit of hope.
Here also is the original audio story by Andy Mills that had initially caught Radiolab’s attention. Though most of the information is the same, and some of the clips were used in Radiolab’s interview, this version is put together and told entirely by Andy Mills.
(And for a deeper look into the life of Kohn Ashmore, he published a short biography, which can be found here on Amazon.)
That awkward moment when you return home with a new bundle of joy in hand. Big brother Thumbs thought it weird how affectionate you’d been being all morning. Saying words at him in that cooing voice that annoys everyone.
He immediately smells something off when you set the bundle down in the cardboard box containing his old bed and a couple of his long forgotten toys. He spies something perk up from inside the box and his curiosity is peaked. Everyone stops and holds their breath as he cautiously approaches. The smell grows stronger and in a moment, two eyes blink back at him. He rears back with a growl as she opens her mouth to mew at him, but yawns instead.
He jumps away, heads straight for the door demanding his exit, meowing loudly about how unfair this is and how you’re always trying to ruin his life! You tell him you’ll always love him as you watch him stalk off. He’ll be back, and he’ll grow to love his little sister as much as you already do in time..
I admit that I’ve never been one to choose the easy route. I’ve always made my own decisions and faced my own consequences. And its been a long haul. I have dragged myself, hands and knees, blood, sweat, and tears, through the mud, to the top of this life. And I’ve never turned back.
Its been challenging since turning 30. A small number in the grand scheme of things, but the highest one I’ve known. I’ve faced alot. I’ve dealt with alot. And I’ve grown alot.
And it routinely feels like at this point in my young, old life, people keep needing to tell me how to live my life. I can’t turn without feeling the pressure of some wall against me. Yet I am spinning and spinning and everything is still pressing in. I can’t even breath..
Did a happy, victory air punch for a patient tday. He laughed and called me a Power Ranger. I decided, he had earned the right to one of my deepest, darkest secrets. That at one point in my long, adventurous life, I had actually BEEN a Power Ranger! I showed him this picture to prove it. He smiled with amazement! Alas, time and age forced me to hang my crime fighting spandex. Now, with the twinkle of purple in my eye (if I happen to be wearing my contacts) I save lives in a more socially acceptable outfit. But god damn you Giant Rubber Puppet Monsters, one tentacle out of line, and no pair of tight jeans will stop me kicking ass! …I might just have to go to the chiropractor after…
For the past 30 mins a rogue fly has been doing low passes and major trash talking over Thumb’s head. Hes been keeping a tough face, mewing, “Try that again, ill bitch slap you into next week!”
But the fly simply keeps on buzzing, just out of reach, “Buzz. Just try to touch me! I dare you! BuzzBuzzBuzz..”
We are built of the same stuff Super Heroes are built of. We want to heal the world. We have hearts that care. And though maybe not every battle is meant to be won, we do whatever it is we can. We take stock in the fact that we cared. That for a fraction of a lifetime, if only for that fraction of a lifetime, we gave people moments of compassion. And maybe they have never known one to care for and fight for their future. It is what makes us mighty. We are not given the tools to cure the ails we face every day, but we work with the moments we are given. We invest in their future and show them that they are not alone. They always say to leave work at work, but no one ever says anything about when work leaves you. When that door closes we do not simply shut off. We keep every life we touch, maybe not up front and present, but in the back on a shelf, full of cases, of lives. It is what gives us the strength to keep caring. What drives us to heal the world. What makes us the Super Heroes we are.. And that is something that I truly believe..
When youre sitting outside with a friend, talking about serious stuff. And lean back in your seat just as a guy is walking by, and your metal outdoor chair with the janky armrest decides to let out the most god awful screech, making said guy jump in fear and turn around…
Hashtag: Not Exactly How I Want to be a Head Turner..😳