I often toot the horn of my prescription sleep aide, and in truth it has helped immensely. I have a journal I kept of my sleep pattern for 2 years. Filled with what time I went to bed, what time and how many times I woke up, and what I ate or drank prior to sleeping. In short, for two years, I got pretty shitty sleep. 

For years now I have had no problems sleeping thru the night, 8 hrs or more. But lately my sleep has been troubled. Either I can’t seem to get to sleep at all, or my sleep is plagued by intense dreams. Movie quality. Completely immersing. And completely random. And it would seem a good thing, like I’m atleast getting sleep. But I wake up so endrenched with the dream. I’ve woken up sobbing. I’ve woken up terrified. I’ve woken up completely believing I’ve done things I haven’t. My dreams are so emotionally exhausting, I wake feeling like I haven’t slept at all. I’ve also woken up with sore muscles from being so tense in my sleep. 

Point is: I woke up this morning, and for a moment couldn’t move because somehow I’d pulled a muscle down the middle of my back! And it hurts like a bitch…

Burn Out

Maybe I’m just burned out. Can’t take time off for fear I’ll need my PTO soon. Or maybe it’s something else. But for the first time in 2.5 years, I’m not happy. I’m not excited to go to work and I can’t seem to give it my all. The last six months have been extremely nerve racking, but worst of all, degrading. I have never felt so belittled and insulted, by the entire process I’ve been dealing with. Especially for something I happily gave my all to. I wanted to see people get better and work towards their future. But they all just keep coming back, faster and faster. My heart has been so sick, wondering, what I’m even here for…


My hair is purple. I have a zipper on my neck and two balls on my tongue. I speak fluent sexual innuendo, geekinese, and movie quote. I have an irrational fear of giants, and jellyfish, and most especially giant jellyfish. I prefer knives over flowers, and beer with my icecream. Despite being short, I wear flat soled shoes so I can still sneak up on people. I will feign fear of bugs in order to stroke a male’s ego. I dislike babies because I can’t communicate with them, and they look at me like I’m the freak. I maintain the idea that I will one day get a Freak flag tattooed on the palm of my hand, so that when I receive such looks, I can proudly wave my Freak flag back at them…

Thanks from the dreamer

I sometimes think myself to be alone. Just spouting my words into the ether, to float along for a time unknown. But on occasion, I am reminded that I am not unseen. That You, in fact, are there, reading this now. That, though you may not choose to Like a post, or leave a Comment, that my words do not go unnoticed. And it is You, who approach and Like me in person and Comment to my face, who I am Thanking now. Thank You. Thank You from the bottom of my silly heart. For without your recognition and encouragement, I might have forgotten the dream..