Well, I just applied to a position upstairs… Hopefully in the next two weeks all the stuff with The Board will have shaken out, and I will get a new job, and all will be well! 👍

Sleep


I often toot the horn of my prescription sleep aide, and in truth it has helped immensely. I have a journal I kept of my sleep pattern for 2 years. Filled with what time I went to bed, what time and how many times I woke up, and what I ate or drank prior to sleeping. In short, for two years, I got pretty shitty sleep. 

For years now I have had no problems sleeping thru the night, 8 hrs or more. But lately my sleep has been troubled. Either I can’t seem to get to sleep at all, or my sleep is plagued by intense dreams. Movie quality. Completely immersing. And completely random. And it would seem a good thing, like I’m atleast getting sleep. But I wake up so endrenched with the dream. I’ve woken up sobbing. I’ve woken up terrified. I’ve woken up completely believing I’ve done things I haven’t. My dreams are so emotionally exhausting, I wake feeling like I haven’t slept at all. I’ve also woken up with sore muscles from being so tense in my sleep. 

Point is: I woke up this morning, and for a moment couldn’t move because somehow I’d pulled a muscle down the middle of my back! And it hurts like a bitch…

Burn Out

Maybe I’m just burned out. Can’t take time off for fear I’ll need my PTO soon. Or maybe it’s something else. But for the first time in 2.5 years, I’m not happy. I’m not excited to go to work and I can’t seem to give it my all. The last six months have been extremely nerve racking, but worst of all, degrading. I have never felt so belittled and insulted, by the entire process I’ve been dealing with. Especially for something I happily gave my all to. I wanted to see people get better and work towards their future. But they all just keep coming back, faster and faster. My heart has been so sick, wondering, what I’m even here for…