The Life and Times of Rose

Work Parking Lot:

The students are back. They descend upon our parking lot like new born crabs, scuttling under foot. Minus a care in the world or a shred of value for their lives.
The car next to me is close. Like, so close I curse the amount of food I ate last night as I unceremoniously shimmy into the drivers seat and shut the door behind me.
A student walks past my car in the passenger side. As I put my key in the ignition, I hear a thunk, and look up to see my side mirror flipped in towards the door.
While looking at it, I see a hesitant body move back towards my car. A youthful face peers into the window at me. I know full well I am giving him a look. A look notorious to my face to be titled The Look. An irritated eyebrow might be raised, a narrowing if the eye lids, an intensity within the eyes to melt glaciers. Or some such thing, I’ve never seen The Look myself.
The student gives me a wide eyed, awkward smile. He apologizes and flips the mirror back into place. He even takes the time to give it a little wipe before he hurries off.
I start my car, shimmy it out of its spot, and slowly inch out of the parking lot, dodging baby crabs the whole way.

The Life and Times of Rose


Dating Edition:

I use Tinder, it’s true. Generally more as a tool to ground myself in the reality of my life situation. THIS is IT. 🤦🏻‍♀️…
I also use OkCupid, but admittedly haven’t been on it in ages. Everything is so much more real. Questions, percentages, algorithms… like, the fate of the world rests on the shoulders of this math equation! It’s very intense…
But alas, the app icons are right next to each other. While settling in for a depressing reality grounding session, I accidentally hit the OkCupid icon. Boom! Profile hits me in the face and the real reality scares the shit out of me and I desperately hit buttons to cut the app down before it can do any permanent damage!
But wait a sec… that guy was kind of cute…
The app opens up again. Boom! Profile hits me in the face and indeed, that guy was kind of cute. I thumb swipe thru some more pics and feel my eyebrows raise in interest. Dare I risk… looking beyond the photos to… words?
Wtf?! This guy loves animals? And “coffee” AND “beer” are listed as vital loves? Did he just use the term “macguyvering?” Oh no he didn’t just say he loves anything David Attenborough… He listens to Radiolab? Oh lord, he listens to good music…
I can’t stop reading on. And then I realize I have laughed… Not at him… Not negatively… He has made me laugh.
If you have made it thru the gauntlet of my own profile, you know I end it with the warning to only message me “if you think you can made me laugh.” (Which has unfortunately opened the door to many an awkward knock-knock or dad joke. Seriously.. I’m embarassed for you…)
And before my brain knows what my thumb is doing, I have swiped right. 😱
Followed by the heart stopping 2-3 seconds, where the blood rushes to my ears, and I hold my breath, “please please please don’t be a match…” I usually plead.
Until those seconds pass and either BOOM!! Love Match 🎉❤❤❤!! And I suddenly feel sick.
Or …nothing. And I can breathe again…
BOOM! Love Match 🎉❤❤❤!!!
At some point in my 33 years prior, this man let his thumb right swipe me. And now we are matched. Two thumbs of a similar mind. 95% love probability bestowed upon us by the Love Algorithms.
I am twitterpated.
I am nervous.
I think I’m in love.

And then I notice, he lives in California…

💔

Curse you Love Gods! Your cruel games SUCK!

Farewell to a Fitbit

‘Tis a bitter sweet day…


(Cue Whitney Huston’s I Will Always Love You.)


For today, I say my final goodbyes to ye auld Fitbit… We have been together for 5 long years.

But after many tears, frustrations, and super glue… it is finally time to step aside… for my New Fitbit.


Farewell Fitbit of Old… you stuck with me, thru the hard times and the good, every step of the way.

Go quiet into that good garbage can 😢…

The Life and Times of Rose

Morning Routine:

Me: (Leaning over small sink applying eyeliner.)
Cat 1: I need water. Now. (Jumps on to tiny counter)
Cat 2: I need to nuzzle your arm! (Jumps onto even tinier counter space)
Me: No! (Shoos both cats off and resumes eyelinering.)
Cat 1: There is no water here! (Jumps back up and begins swinging paw under faucet to prove point.)
Cat 2: Arm! (Jumps back up and headbutts elbow causing eyeliner to go up into my eyebrow.)
Me: I said No! (Shoos both cats away and shuts door on them.)
Cats 1 and 2: Pay attention to us! (Cat hand reaching under door…)

The Life and Times of Rose

A Ballad… or Trajedy… Dramedy?… Musical?…

…Standing in the shower for an hour… blow drying my laundry cuz the crap dryer in my complex can’t seem to finish the job, and I didn’t have enough quarters to run another cycle. Perhaps any other day, I might have just let it all hang dry, but said laundry happens to be my sheets, and it’s already full dark out and I’m kind of tired.
…All the while friends and loved ones merrily book/plan their exciting trips for the holiday season.
…At least she will sleep in dry sheets tonight…