The Life and Times of Rose

Morning Routine:

Me: (Leaning over small sink applying eyeliner.)
Cat 1: I need water. Now. (Jumps on to tiny counter)
Cat 2: I need to nuzzle your arm! (Jumps onto even tinier counter space)
Me: No! (Shoos both cats off and resumes eyelinering.)
Cat 1: There is no water here! (Jumps back up and begins swinging paw under faucet to prove point.)
Cat 2: Arm! (Jumps back up and headbutts elbow causing eyeliner to go up into my eyebrow.)
Me: I said No! (Shoos both cats away and shuts door on them.)
Cats 1 and 2: Pay attention to us! (Cat hand reaching under door…)

Respite – Day 0.5

You know you need a Snickers… when you start arguing with the GPS…

The drive is long, longer than its been before. What starts out as a lovely drive past the fields of sheep as the sun goes down, soon turns into a shouting match with the GPS woman. “Quit telling me what to do, I get it!” The night’s darkness closes me in like tunnel vision and I just drive, in hopes I reach my destination. Both cats, once adorably cuddled on my lap, now add to the growing discomfort. One tiny, bony elbow jabbing into my forearm, and the circulation slowly being cut off from my driving foot. Hashtag: Thank God for Cruise. 

I reflect on the eerie quietness of the back seat, hoping to goodness the tortoises are still alive. A flash of a memory crosses my mind. Looking into the tank of my college days pets, to find one hermit crab embracing the other. And as I drew closer, to my horror, finding it was actually eating the other, wrapped around it, one claw shoveling brain matter into its greedy maw, like movie goers shoveling popcorn into their mouths… I dare not turn around, and trust my tortoises aren’t that hungry… Oh God, must drive faster…

I occupy my brain with the qued up episodes of the podcast Lore. Lulled by the conversational, slightly monotonous tone of the host. Each short episode exciting me more. Where does one find a guy like this? Hes definitely my kind of geek. His subject matter ranging from ghost stories, to serial killers, to witches, to Irish folktales, told from the perspective of a storyteller. I love it. I get it. I’m hooked…

Until my GPS rudely interrupts his lovely, lulling words, to tell me to keep going on this route…

I feel like I’m stuck in a wormhole. Balancing between pain and pleasure. My eyes want to dip, maybe from monotony, maybe from fatigue, maybe from the steady onslaught of oncoming headlights… but my body is still alive. And there’s miles to go before I sleep…

The drive was long, longer than its been before. But in the end, I made it.

Hiatus – Day 2

…Animal House…

I’ve always lived around alot of pets. When I was a child, there was Sunshine, our snowy, white husky-esque pooch. She arrived shortly before me, and forever took on an almost Peter Pan’s Nanny role. She would follow me around, lick my cheeks when I would cry, and walk me to bed when I was afraid of the dark. We had Waldo, the small mutt who aways wore his hair in his eyes and earned the street thug nickname, “Martini,” cuz he was always getting roughed up and having to wear a cone. We had the two sister cats, who were like two siamese twins who hated eachother and constantly fought, but couldn’t escape eachother. We even had two hamsters, though little is retained in my memory about them except their names, Snowball and Brownie, and that when one of them died, we gave it a formal burial… in our kitchen trash can. And even further from my memory was Harold the mysterious cat. We had a dark, portrait of a cat resembling Harold, hanging on our wall, with its intense eyes always watching us. And even further mysterious, the rumor that he eventually lost his life and was left at the bottom of The Pond…

I find myself now, in a house full of animals. 

One dog – Lola, fur sister, and ball lover.

Two Tortoises – Shredder and Casey Jones, avid sun chasers and kale lovers.

Two Large Cats – Eddie “Nizzle” The Princess, who watches all, with a displeased look, from her perch in the heavens. 

And Thumbs, “Bert,” or Thumbert, calm as a cucumber, olympic status napper.

And One Kitten – Little “Beans” Beansprout, who must be everywhere and in every picture.

Only 4 of the 6 are mine, but you can’t forget the biggest animal of all..