The entire city of Juneau, Alaska is covered in a thick haze. Smoke from wild fires up north. It distorted a lot of the views. The mountains in the distance, standing like sentinel ghosts. And the heat was record breaking. These aren’t the way things are supposed to be there..
And maybe it was fitting for my return. All of my memories got distorted and turned on their head..
The truth is, Juneau is no longer my home. I don’t know it anymore. Everything is different. The shops, the people, the Glacier, the trees! Some things are the same. The beaches.. But none of it felt like “home.”
We spent so much time playing tourist, and seeing as much as we could see.. It wasn’t like I was returning to my home.
I’ve lately spent so much time confused about who I am and what I should be doing. The two people I reunited with, so head strong and assured in what they are doing. Why couldn’t I find that?
I don’t really know what I had been expecting. Some grand revelatory moment? Some golden answer to all my quiries?
Instead, it was like opening a box, to find it’s empty inside..
I had never believed or felt that I was really an Alaskan. Not the way some people do. But I suppose this trip confirmed it for me. Alaska is not my “Home.”
“Home” is still a place I’m searching for..