Work Parking Lot:
The students are back. They descend upon our parking lot like new born crabs, scuttling under foot. Minus a care in the world or a shred of value for their lives.
The car next to me is close. Like, so close I curse the amount of food I ate last night as I unceremoniously shimmy into the drivers seat and shut the door behind me.
A student walks past my car in the passenger side. As I put my key in the ignition, I hear a thunk, and look up to see my side mirror flipped in towards the door.
While looking at it, I see a hesitant body move back towards my car. A youthful face peers into the window at me. I know full well I am giving him a look. A look notorious to my face to be titled The Look. An irritated eyebrow might be raised, a narrowing if the eye lids, an intensity within the eyes to melt glaciers. Or some such thing, I’ve never seen The Look myself.
The student gives me a wide eyed, awkward smile. He apologizes and flips the mirror back into place. He even takes the time to give it a little wipe before he hurries off.
I start my car, shimmy it out of its spot, and slowly inch out of the parking lot, dodging baby crabs the whole way.
I use Tinder, it’s true. Generally more as a tool to ground myself in the reality of my life situation. THIS is IT. 🤦🏻♀️…
I also use OkCupid, but admittedly haven’t been on it in ages. Everything is so much more real. Questions, percentages, algorithms… like, the fate of the world rests on the shoulders of this math equation! It’s very intense…
But alas, the app icons are right next to each other. While settling in for a depressing reality grounding session, I accidentally hit the OkCupid icon. Boom! Profile hits me in the face and the real reality scares the shit out of me and I desperately hit buttons to cut the app down before it can do any permanent damage!
But wait a sec… that guy was kind of cute…
The app opens up again. Boom! Profile hits me in the face and indeed, that guy was kind of cute. I thumb swipe thru some more pics and feel my eyebrows raise in interest. Dare I risk… looking beyond the photos to… words?
Wtf?! This guy loves animals? And “coffee” AND “beer” are listed as vital loves? Did he just use the term “macguyvering?” Oh no he didn’t just say he loves anything David Attenborough… He listens to Radiolab? Oh lord, he listens to good music…
I can’t stop reading on. And then I realize I have laughed… Not at him… Not negatively… He has made me laugh.
If you have made it thru the gauntlet of my own profile, you know I end it with the warning to only message me “if you think you can made me laugh.” (Which has unfortunately opened the door to many an awkward knock-knock or dad joke. Seriously.. I’m embarassed for you…)
And before my brain knows what my thumb is doing, I have swiped right. 😱
Followed by the heart stopping 2-3 seconds, where the blood rushes to my ears, and I hold my breath, “please please please don’t be a match…” I usually plead.
Until those seconds pass and either BOOM!! Love Match 🎉❤❤❤!! And I suddenly feel sick.
Or …nothing. And I can breathe again…
BOOM! Love Match 🎉❤❤❤!!!
At some point in my 33 years prior, this man let his thumb right swipe me. And now we are matched. Two thumbs of a similar mind. 95% love probability bestowed upon us by the Love Algorithms.
I am twitterpated.
I am nervous.
I think I’m in love.
And then I notice, he lives in California…
Curse you Love Gods! Your cruel games SUCK!