Air Travel Fun

In the movie Love Actually, Hugh Grant speaks knowingly about Love while the screen plays a montage of happy scenes of love…

All taking place in Airports.

I would like to think it was Love that was going through my head the entire hour it took me to get through airport security. Love that moved me forwards when the TSA agents snapped and barked orders at us. Love that drew my lips up when the child in his mother’s arms leaned over and screamed in my ear…

Love Actually came out two decades ago. It came out after 9/11, and yet I maintain that airports are quite possibly the least loving places I can think of.

People with their phones glued to their noses. People gathered around the outlet stations like cavemen around fire. People power walking with the intensity of a marathon runner and the spacial awareness of an elephant. Has anyone ever heard the words, “sorry,” or “excuse me,” uttered in an airport?

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The whole point of the ungodly slog through hell, to be barked at to go back because you didn’t take your belt off, and then barked at again because you didn’t take your computer out of your bag, and then be barked at to keep moving because you’re holding up the line… is in effect, for our safety.

And who doesn’t feel extraordinarily safe at the airport?

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This sign was on the wall, in the ramp, where you are past the point of no return. If you have come this far and you suspect someone is trafficking another someone, by this point, they have already made it to freedom.

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This was another encouraging sight. To know that should this giant tanker of gas decide to explode, there is at least a fire extinguisher..

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And then my favorite…

So much happiness in these pictoral guides to what to do if the plane is going down.

And the lavatory.

A: Why are you in the loo while the plane is going down?

B: Are they subtly making assumptions as to why you are in the loo by providing 2 oxygen masks?

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Airplane travel skepticism, never more succinctly explained than by Jack Whitehall…