Simply put: a series of bad decisions. The first being, I have always struggled with distance learning and believed that my own motivation to succeed in the program would be enough to get me through. It would seem that I was wrong.

The online courses, while I was able to get through them with passing grades, did not provide me with a lasting foundation of learning for me to utilize in real-world application. Each course had the requirements of textbook reading, essay writing, and discussion posting and responding. I did well enough in these requirements, but there was little to no opportunity for any real and actual conversation about areas in which I was perhaps, struggling.

The program required attendance to two separate residencies. These were essentially set up as two day-long conferences. To my benefit, I was able to attend these online. To my detriment, I was later told that going to the in-person residencies were more hands-on and beneficial to the students. Students were able to ask meaningful and personal questions and receive productive answers.

When I began my internship, I simultaneously began what was called a seminar. Seminar was a weekly, live class with a small group of my cohort. This was a more individualized opportunity to learn how to apply our learning. This was a course in which we would practice and prepare ourselves for our final graduation project/test, a complete and comprehensive assessment, diagnosis, and treatment plan of a real client we were to be working with, all through the lens of a specific chosen theorist. This project also needed to include rule-out diagnoses, cultural considerations, application of the code of ethics and local laws. We did sections of this project each week and would turn in and receive feedback and edits to apply. In my seminar, because I was the last person to present my mock project, I did not receive all the feedback to my sections before the course ended. And due to complications with my internship site, I was essentially held back and placed in a new seminar course. I was also put on a specific, weekly one-on-one meeting session with my advisor for specific tutoring.

My internship site was probably my biggest detriment. While my internship supervisor was aware of my requirements, he did not try very hard to ensure I was meeting those requirements. I was not receiving weekly supervision meetings with him, I was not anywhere near meeting my required direct care hours, and I was not given any long-term clients. On multiple occasions I considered leaving and finding a new internship site, and on multiple occasions my supervisor promised me changes in how my internship experience would be run to ensure I was able to meet my requirements, and on multiple occasions those changes either never happened or failed to produce results.

The other struggle I came across was miscommunication between all parties. My program routinely told me to advocate for myself and my needs, and yet, whenever I did to my supervisor my concerns did not seem to be taken seriously. When my supervisor requested things from me, I was sent off on my own to accomplish these and always got them wrong. Instead of attempting to help me get them right I was sent off to try again without help or mentorship and he then would claim this as me not doing my assignments and coming to meetings unprepared. After my required year of internship, which had been extended due to not meeting the requirements I needed for my program, I was let go from the internship.

Following that, I was also dismissed from the program essentially due to an inability to apply my academic learning to real-world situations. After being let go at my internship, the program directors had a hearing for me. During this hearing I was entirely alone without any corroborating advocacy to my difficulties. When asked how it was I held myself accountable for these difficulties after each answer I was responded to that it sounded like I was simply playing the victim. And perhaps this essay portrays the same thing. What I was not made aware of was that the hearing panel was not interested in me defending myself, they wanted me to tell them how I would maintain a positive image for the school. It was deemed that the school was unable to do anything further to help me complete the program and it was unanimously voted for my dismissal.

This is the story of why my situation appears unusual. I had been enrolled in and excited to complete a Forensic Psychology program. The program turned out to be simply a Clinical Mental Health Counseling program with three elective courses dedicated to forensic topics, not forensic counseling methods. My experience with my previous program was an astounding blow to my life, my goals, and my self-esteem towards what I had previously felt an extreme passion for doing.